in loving memory - shirley eva mary rau

Monday evening I returned from a quickly planned trip to Calgary - home. This trip I was reminded that Alberta was and always will be my home. It's where most of my memories were born and all of my family reside.

Last month, my Aunty Shirley suffered a brain aneurysm at home with my Uncle Mike. Over the days that followed she showed signs of real hope but then suffered a massive stroke that essentially killed her. She was 60 years old. A year younger than my Dad and one older than my Mom.

She was a good woman - hard working, loyal, active in all her kids' and grandchildren's lives and a fine host. She, my Uncle and my cousins hosted Rhonda and me over weeks at their farm during our childhood summers and holidays.  Some of my fondest, most acute memories are from those times: swimming in the rivers, berry picking, collecting eggs from terrifying chickens, marshmallow roasts, sledding down their back hill, dirt biking through their woods, taunting cattle, helping to birth pigs, butchering chickens, eating fresh garden peas, wrestling and exploring. In looking back I remember my aunt led most of those outings and was eternally patient with a house bursting with children and noise.

I do not consider myself a sentimental person but in this case I have to admit that I can hear her voice clearly and see her bright smile. I feel very sad for my cousins and Uncle. Ten years ago they lost our cousin Michael and now their matriarch. I wish them all peace, comfort and love.

I wish I had taken photos at the gathering that followed the funeral. It evolved into quite a happy one. I spoke to cousins and in laws that I hadn't had the chance to in years, decades and some ever. I got to see my cousins' children run around like we used to. As my Mom and I walked to the car I had a final hug from my dear cousin Elizabeth and remarked that it felt like Christmas. Like we were leaving a joyful family gathering from our childhood. So for that I thank you Aunty Shirley. I thank you for bringing me home and for the reminder of what a big family feels like.

This was taken that day by my Dad's cousin Geraldine. My mom unfortunately was chatting across the hall so we missed including her.

All my love, Aimee

still waiting for the treat

Aimee, this is your conscience calling... I'm worried about you. About your health. About your will power or lack there of. The candy cup will over floweth today and for the next days. The chocolate is not for you. It is for the children. Let the children have the chocolate. The children, they burn it off, they can deal with it, you do not and cannot. A moment of high will certainly lead to misery as your sugar levels climb and plummet. Be strong Aimee, I'm counting on you.

'Tis Halloween again. A joyous day that to be honest has started less than joyously.  As I sit here typing, enjoying my morning coffee the pain has lessened but I'm still going to record it so that I can read back on the highlights of this morning in years to come and maybe I'll be consoled that our kids are grown and off having their own adventures (mommy-less).

Elliott was over the moon this morning as he woke to the carved pumpkin and bags of candy for this evening's trick or treaters and his classmates. Though sweet, his energy can get a little grating with the endless requests: can you light the pumpkin? can I have gum? where is Kate's witch nose? can you spray my hair black right now? how about now? where are Octopus' mouths? are these my treats for my class? did you pack me swiss cheese for lunch? are you done yet? can we now?

When we finally finished arguing over what clothes he would wear under his costume, I got to spraying his hair black. Upon the grand reveal - the tears erupted. "Can you get it out of my hair? I don't want it." Great, no worries let's get undressed and get showered. More tears erupted when I said we had to actually use shampoo. What is with this kid? This was not his first hair wash. Then I started to cry when he put on his costume and it was revealed to me that the dog had played tug of war with it. Hey no worries. Let's adapt and get sewing. I may not have had pants on yet but I am a mom of action.

Not to be outdone by her brother, Kate hated her first pair of tights - they just didn't feel good on her toes. No she didn't want black hair spray (I couldn't blame her after her brother's hysterics). She wanted green freckles - no not on her nose!!! Oh, ok. Yeah she liked them. And yeah, she wanted black hair now. Ahhhh! It got in her eye a bit. No she's ok. In the car, down the street - "Oh Mommy I didn't bring my broom. Yeah I really want it."

No problem. No issue.

So, I'm going to admit it, it was gum in the car instead of a toothbrush kind of morning.

Bless them. They were full of light and life when we finally made it in to the school. Things of beauty.

Happy Halloween eveyone! Can't wait to see everyone's Trick or Treaters' costumes.
I'm off to eat chocolate. AJ